why I'm scared of January
my love of self-help books, open-open-open, a tofu/veggie bowl to put on repeat
hey-ho,
Pulling the shrink-wrap off a 2025 calendar I feel anxious, I feel pressure to do something worthy. 14 days to a new figure? Finish the great American novel? Quit bad habits? Build a better personality? Find love? What are we supposed to do when we face the brand new year?
recently posted that February is the better month to begin resolutions and goals, I must agree. January is scary… 31 short and dark days, my birthday in the middle of it, people give up alcohol, change their habits, take down the tree, box up the menorah… and me? I’m yearning for light. More staying in my lane and more badassery! I’m yearning for more community, more connection. (Thank you for being here! I love readers!)Last year on my birthday I made an audacious claim… I turned 62, I was born in 1962, voila! I declared it my jubilee year! It was a bit of frippery and fun. I believe we create our own reality by how we choose to respond to our lives. I must of responded horribly because a big pie slice of 2024 sucked. My life handed me my ass! When I shared my situation with a friend she wrote me a note:
I'm sad the hear this. And, as much as your read.write.eat lights up my day, why aren't you sharing this hard part of your life? Why do strong women feel as though we need to project that everything is fine?
I thought a lot about her note, about my messy life, and about how I show up. Another reader wrote to let me know that she comes to r.w.e. for breezy, and I understand that as well. We all need distractions and seeds of joy. I want to live at the intersection of real and breezy.
In an effort to project the truth of right now, and maybe to make you feel less alone in your own messy lives, here’s what is currently hard for me:
people close to me struggle mightily in their lives and practice painful denial. (Anyone else in this position? I see you.) I am hogtied in my ability to help and it kills me. I have to accept that maybe they aren’t ready and maybe I don’t know what’s best… ouch.
my manuscript got little traction in the world as I bravely put it out there. I really had to reconcile with gatekeepers. To whom will I choose to relinquish my power going forward? I’m still figuring it out. (Anyone else in this position? I see you.)
strain in my marriage, super hard communication this year, a ton of work… and we’re doing it because we love each other, and it sucks! (Anyone else in this position? I see you.)
hello 62! My joints groaned a lot, my sleep became more interrupted, my energy changed too… somehow a dinner party for 8 is now exhausting! (Anyone else in this position? I see you.)
the election roller coaster, incoming dread… (Anyone else in this position? I see you.)
oh, and my olympic mastery of the second arrow. Do you know about this? The first arrow is when something hard happens in our lives, it wounds us and it is out of our control. The second arrow is how we respond. Often we beat ourselves up: loser! you can’t do anything right!! you don’t deserve happiness, Everything is your fault blah…blah…blah. The second arrow is an optional arrow that brings even more pain. I always hit a bullseye with the second arrow, you?
…
By all means, the year wasn’t only shadow and trouble, it’s just that pain has long arms.
What was lovely?
I embarked upon wonderful trips, saw new places, made new friends. I grew closer to family members who live far away. Our family welcomed a beautiful new baby cousin. I was adopted as Lolly, an honorary grandma to a beautiful young family. I cooked, I wrote, many new subscribers came to this space. I read wonderful books, swam in the north Atlantic, helped my mom, became a more careful communicator.
This year, (hello 63), I’m not making resolutions or grand proclamations about jubilee years. Sheesh, what was I thinking? I’m keeping my head down and aiming at soft goals, and I’m staying open like the sign suggests.
Open to more: laughter, museum visits, girl trips, protein in my diet, writing, singing, flowers on the dining room table, knitting, French, volunteering, making people feel seen and loved, bike rides (w/o the crashing in front of a bus, if you please), concerts, plays, weight lifting, hiking, good fitting jeans, travel w/my beloved Joel, restorative yoga! More impromptu time with neighbors, supporting the work of creatives, buying art, dog walks, popcorn, sunsets, and pie. And, more of you! I am so grateful for this community. Tell me, what do you want more of?
Every week I strive to be breezy and real in your inbox. Thank you paid subscribers! Maybe you would like support to my newsletter by becoming a paid subscriber or gifting a subscription to a friend who loves books, convivial conversations, writing, and recipes, I would love that!
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read:
Some people have Zillow habits, some pursue celebrity dogs, me, I’m a sucker for a self-help book!
When I was an elementary school kid by mom had dark years. I’m not going to lie, it was really hard. We moved a lot and in one apartment we never even unpacked the boxes. We ate Chicken Delight in her bed almost every night, watched Walter Cronkite deliver the body count from the Viet Nam war.
A therapist told my mom to write to-do lists and she did. I’d find them around our apartment. Pay bills. Brush teeth. Order dinner. Haircut. Gas up the car. She was hanging on by her fingernails and the lists helped my mom make it through. Bit by bit she crossed things off, our life slowly changed. The lists were her own little self-help books. I am so grateful she sought support.
A friend suggested THE MEL ROBBINS PODCAST when I was struggling last year. (This is a great intro episode.) I love the way Mel begins every episode, “It’s your friend, Mel” and she does seem like a truth-telling friend. I’ll admit, I prefer the pod when she has guests on rather than just holding forth on her own. And, I admire her pragmatism, her calling out her own shit. Next I read this profile in the NYTs. Which led to me buying her book, LET THEM. Y’all, I LOVE it. I mean, she’s not revealing any revolutionary thing we don’t already know, but her voice, her clarity, her stories, her repackaging advice we’ve all heard… it lands with me. In a chapter on family systems she compares families to intricate spider webs decorated with dew.
All it takes is one person to change the way they show up in a family and the entire system can change for the better. Keep thinking about the image of the spider web… when you show up with grace and understanding in the family, it creates new balance... Don’t get sucked into drama, make decisions based upon your values, that make you feel proud… Understand that you can’t change others, but you can change the way you respond, which will change everything.”
Okay, not especially mind blowing, but something about that spider web, I got it. Yes, if I connect in a different way, show up with honesty and with no agenda for anyone but me… well the web changes.
LET THEM wants us to:
Stop wasting energy on things we can't control
Stop comparing ourselves to other people
Break free from fear and self-doubt
Build the best friendships of your life
Do you have a self help book you love? LMK!
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write :
I know, I know… I said I was scared of January and we should wait until February to make some choices about what we want to make happen for ourselves in 2025.
But/and let’s just assume we writers want to enhance and fortify our writing habit. Why don’t we all write for 10 minutes every morning in January with our coffee. 10 minutes. One tiny exercise that might have nothing to do with your writing project. In fact, I don’t think it should have anything to do with your writing project. Just play. No strings attached.
Let’s find ourselves on the page… a little joy… a little bad writing… a discovery. Are you in? Pinky swear?
Here are two prompt resources.
142 Picture Prompts to Inspire Student Writing, from the NYTs Learning Network. (I believe I unpaywalled the article)
and from
, who you should follow: 731 Weirdly Specific Writing Prompts. Okay, these are fantastic!Know that I’m right beside you.
💫💫💫If you enjoy r.w.e. will you kindly pause to hit the ❤️ at the top left or bottom of this post? It sure does help in the substack scheme of things and gives me a lift! xoNatalie 💫💫💫
eat:
I don’t know about you, but since Thanksgiving my diet (meaning what I eat, not restricting) has gone off the rails. The other night I started a big corrective with this no-recipe-recipe, a family favorite.
Tofu Veggie Bowls with Tahini/Miso Sauce
Sauce: In a small food processor chop about 3T of ginger and 3 garlic cloves. Add 4T each tahini, white miso, 2T honey, 4T each sesame oil and olive oil. Whir it all together. Add 1/2 cup rice vinegar and whir some more. This is a generous amount and you will be so happy to have some left over so you can make these bowls every night for a week straight.
Veggies: This is basically a clean out the crisper drawer recipe. You’ll see in the photo I have a bit of cauliflower, carrots, leeks, sweet potatoes, and chard. I roasted all the veggies at 450 degrees, the sweet potatoes on a separate sheet pan because they take a little longer. I tossed them with olive oil, salt, and pepper. I wish I’d added the jalapeño that still lingers in the crisper drawer. I also flash sautéed some rainbow chard. Other additions that would be wonderful: broccoli, butternut squash, turnips, shitake mushrooms, you love it? Use it!
Rice: steam your rice of choice. I love brown basmati.
Tofu: Take one block of extra-firm tofu. Wrap it in a tea towel and put a heavy pan on top to facilitate draining it of water. After about 10 minutes, or whatever time you take prepping the veggies, unwrap and cut into dice sized cubes. Place in a bowl w/about 3T cornstarch. Toss and let it sit for a minute. Meanwhile in a ramekin mix equal parts brown sugar and soy sauce. Roughly 3T each. Stir till the sugar dissolves. Heat a generous amount of olive oil in large cast iron skillet over medium heat. When the oil begins to shimmer, add the tofu cubes. Let them sit a good 4 minutes before you begin to turn them. You want them to achieve a lovely golden brown hue. Once there, pour in the soy sauce mixture. The sugar will caramelize. Keep tossing and turning them in the pan until they look like the picture above.
Once all the components are made, build your bowl! Feel smug because you made something delicious and healthy. Happy New Year!
Stanley knows he’s perfect already! (So are you.)
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Tell your people you love them, and take good care of your skin.
xN
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