Hi-Hi,
Back in the ā90s I was a step aerobic teacher. Of course I was! My young children went to the daycare at the gym (I can still hear the complaints!), I got to exercise, and I made a little pocket change. Any time I hear āItās Raining Men,ā my feet know the choreography. Imagine my joy for the moment below, in Paris last spring!
The most fun class I taught was early on Sunday mornings, and I must report people lined up for it! We began with a warm-up, then the aerobic part, cool down, and a bit of calisthenics and yoga. It was an exercise salad! But, the most fun was the movie reviews. Yes, I asked the participants to share their critique of a movie they may have seen on Saturday night. Honestly, I think thatās why people came. Sure the endorphins were important, but it was the community conversationā¦ down dog, up dog, triangle poseā¦ people came to dish on a movie, hated it, loved it, must see it!
Thatās what jewelsšjust for you! feels like to me, cultural criticism, a little essay, a book, a recipeā¦ who knows what weāll discuss.
Itās a little bit of a hang, and it would be perfect if we were all exercising together! If onlyā¦
ā¦
On Hate Reading:
The whole thing is my fault. I heard YESTERYEAR, by Caro Claire Burke, was a novel about a tradwife influencer with millions of followers who suddenly awakens to find herself in 1855 struggling to live the āpure and christianā existence sheās been touting on instagram for years. Hilarious, I thought! A comedy.
Man, was I wrong. This is not satire, itās a horror story.
The writing is strong, to be sure, but I I felt as if I was straightjacketed the entire time I was listening. There was not a single character with whom I could identify. It was like Fox News, Little House on the Prairie, and the Kardashians become a throuple. (By the way, I started listening on 1.3 speed and gradually increased until at the end it sounded like Alvin and the Chipmunks were narrating. I wanted it to be over!)
This book offers zero joy, not even schadenfreude when the main character, Natalie (yes, hearing my name over and over added insult to injury), a tradwife, suffers her comeuppance. Hereās the bleak outlook for women, as told by Natalie, when one of her daughters asks about becoming a woman, a wife, a mother.
Itās all some vital game. No more than a game. Itās the long golden string of insincerity that threads together the entire human race. A shared agreement between women to insist back and forth in endless conversation that this thing we spend our whole life preparing for, this thing we were born for, is anywhere close to what we thought it would be. And do you know the truth beneath that secret? The water beneath the ice? It never stops. you never age out of it. Your mother lies to you. And then you lie to your children, and your children lie to their children, and then you are an old woman looking back at our own life, lying to yourself. A life time of drowning.
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So bleak! With just enough truth in it to make my stomach hurt.
And in real life, do we lie about motherhood and marriage, or do we withhold that maybe it isnāt all daisies and sunshine? Lena Dunham, recently on Amy Poehlerās Good Hang, was asked about being a mentor and she said (lightly edited for ease of reading and continuity):
āWhat are you gonna say? Donāt do that job, donāt take it, donāt date that guy? We all have to make these mistakes and nobody listens when you offer advice anyway. So, If someone has a question and I can answer it, I am delighted to share wisdom, and Iām also always saying, you do exactly whatever you want and I will be here cheering you on.ā
We all have to make our own mistakes, and how lovely for a mentor to be in the wings, cheering us on, hoping for the best, which may not even be what we think we want!
In the novel, there is no opportunity to make mistakes, to repair, to connect. Every woman suffers, girl bosses, online trad wives, single moms leaving drunk husbands and struggling to support their kids, valium popping wives of politicians. Lest you think the men have it easierā¦ nope. They are callow, selfish, miserable and flaccid. Itās hell out there!
As a bonus (!) I just discovered this terrific note about the Trad-Husband Check List from Maria Cassano which includes things like:
no video games
own a home
manly jobs
top-tier sperm (I bet everyman thinks they check this box!)
ā¦
So why didnāt I quit reading? I read with an āare you fucking kidding me?ā smirk on my face.
The rest of this post ā the psychological pleasure of a good hate-read, and my hot take on tradwives ā is for paid subscribers.
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