watch.listen.snack.

women who love themselves + a kabob is a snack + a delightful serving of schadenfreude + sitting at the (virtual) cool kids' table

Photo by Centre for Ageing Better on Unsplash

Hey ho!

I was listening to an audiobook the other day and I heard this throwaway line from a conversation between two friends:

“No one likes a woman who actually likes herself.”

No surprise it was women talking together. We are so good at self-loathing!

Consider these women in season three of White Lotus—a trio of friends whose backstabbing and criticism of one another absolutely arises from their own insecurities. Insecurities which in turn arise from baked in misogyny, which morphs into self-loathing. Not one of the three truly loves herself. And, it makes for great drama.

Novels too, both new and old, have no shortage of self-loathing women. Consider Emma Bovary and her jealousy, Anna Karenina and her guilt, characters in Sally Rooney novels who implore their lovers to hit and punch them, and Ottessa Moshfegh whose unnamed narrator drugs herself to avoid being awake…ever. I guess a self-actualized, strong-assed woman who knows her value and knows what she wants isn’t good for the plot or our economy! Looking at you industries reliant upon women feeling insecure… cosmetic surgery, make-up, clothing, social media, institutionalized religion (yes, an industry!)

The writer/character that springs to mind as a woman who actually likes herself, dare I say loves herself, is Deborah Levy. Her Living Autobiographies examine her desires, her mistakes, her successes, and her personal history with honesty, with clarity, and equanimity. Have you read her? If not, I’m a little jealous! You have a great reading experience ahead of you!

…

I want to be around women who love themselves. I need these women on my advisory board! Of course we all feel wobbly at times, of course we lean into self-deprecating humor. We engage in negative self-talk about our gaffs at work, missteps with our children (if this one strikes a nerve, do yourself a favor and read this), ways we disappoint ourselves and those we love, our lumpy aging bodies not fitting the false beauty standards we’re surrounded by, blah, blah, blah. Hey, congratulations if you feel all these things. You’re human! And, the next time you find yourself in a spiral of negative self-talk, try this:

• Get outside in nature. The colors, the air, the movement, the scents will change up everything. The world is huge and beautiful.

• Inside your head use positive self-talk in the 3rd person. For example, “Everyone makes mistakes, Natalie. You’ve got this. There’s an end in sight.”

  

• Time travel! If you’re beating yourself up about a current situation, ask yourself, will this matter in one week? six months? two years? And then look back, remind yourself of situations you survived. In other words, recognize your past resilience and keep perspective. This will put a damper on your monologue of self-criticism.

What do you do to turn the tide inside your head? What do you do to remind yourself that you are loved by you? Everyone loves a woman who loves herself!

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I've made a read.write.eat. Bookshop Store, where you will find many of the books I've recommended, including Deborah Levy’s trio. Buying books from my shop is another way you can be a friend to the newsletter. I will earn a small commission if you click through and make a purchase.

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watch:

We are all in for YOUR FRIENDS AND NEIGHBORS, with Amanda Peet and Jon Hamm. Is it schadenfreude? Maybe. There certainly is pleasure to be derived from watching the disgustingly wealthy fuck up their lives, same as us but far worse! Turns out money doesn’t solve everything, even if it can buy you a Luxos MT, a toilet that will warm your buns, rinse your privates, and play your favorite song on blue tooth speakers. Any kind of ‘tooth’ associated with a commode scares the hell out of me. Maybe we don’t want what they have. These people are unhappy, depressed, lonely, flailing in love and life. Money is no safeguard.

There’s a scene in one episode in which Amanda Peet’s character celebrates her birthday. It’s complicated. I don’t want to say too much, because—spoilers, but as she rifles through gift bags from Chanel, Louis Vuitton, and Bergdorf, she settles on a wrinkled paper bag. Inside she finds the penny candy she loved when her life was less complicated. They function as a sort of Proust Madeleine, catapulting her back to a simpler time. The episode ends with her filling her mouth with the candy and weeping… yes, so heavy handed and preachy, and a call to us all to remember what we have now is plenty.

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listen:

I feel like I have an unearned spot at the cool kids’ table every time I listen to CRITICS AT LARGE, billed as a weekly culture round table, from the NYer. Not only do I love the camaraderie between Vinson Cunningham, Naomi Fry, and Alexandra Schwartz, but I thoroughly enjoy getting to know their preferences, their tics… for example Nomi lands hard on the final syllable of words and it’s a weird pleasure to hear those hard g’s. All of them are far smarter than me. I get exposed to things I might otherwise miss.

In one episode they did a deep dive into Romanatsy! I know. So funny and out of character for elite NYer critics. And, surprise, they were sort of hooked because a key ingredient, besides sex, is wish fulfillment.

“The reason that I think they’re so powerful and they provide such solace to us is because they tell us, ‘You’re perfect. You’re always right. You have the hottest mate. You have the sickest powers,’ ”

Who doesn’t need to hear that every so often, umm… all the time? Did the episode send me down a rabbit hole of wizards and ripped bodices? Nope. But it was great.

Another episode unpacked the value of seeking comfort in art. Art can sustain us, but when does comfort art cross the line to being avoidant of a difficult time that requires our attention? Alex Schwartz says:

“One of the purposes of the comfort we seek is to sustain us. That’s what we all are going to need: sustenance to move forward.”

I look forward to tuning in to an episode about THE PITT and our modern healthcare crises. SNL and what it gets right and wrong. The glut of choices. And gossip! Honestly, after a hang with these three I feel more current, a bit sharper, and yes, lucky!

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snack:

Who said a kabob isn’t a snack. I’ve been known to eat them cold straight from the fridge in my sweaty exercise clothing. Just sayin’. (Trust me, you don’t want a picture of that.)

What I think makes this particular kabob snack worthy, is the deliciousness, plus, I’m using pre-made ingredients to throw it all swiftly together. Heads up, they’re chicken, but I think halloumi and/or tofu would be a great substitute. I trust you to play around.

Chicken and Olive Tapenade Kabobs

Serves 4
Time 1 ¼ hour (includes marinating)

• 2 pounds boneless, skinless chicken thighs, cut into 1 to 1 ½-inch pieces

• 1 ½ t kosher salt and black pepper

• 4-6 T pre-made tapenade. You can find some in jars, or some in the cheese area of your market, or, here is a great recipe to make in advance.

• 1 T Dijon mustard - Maille is a great brand

• 3-4 T olive oil, plus more for grilling

• Flaky salt and lemon wedges for serving

1. In a large bowl place the chicken and season w/ salt and black pepper.

2. In a small bowl, mix the tapenade, mustard and olive oil.

3. Pour mixture onto the chicken pieces and stir to coat well. Refrigerate for at least an hour, if you plan ahead, overnight. Remove chicken from the refrigerator about thirty minutes before serving to come to room temperature.

4. Thread the chicken onto skewers. If you are using bamboo, be certain to soak skewers in water so they don’t catch fire on the grill.

5. Make sure your grill is very hot. Grill the chicken kabobs, turning occasionally, until the meat is golden, a little brown w/some crispy bits. Roughly 10 minutes.

6. Transfer to a plate or platter and sprinkle with a few pinches of flaky salt and lemon wedges on the side.

Enjoy with a cucumber salad, wrapped in a pita, or cold from the fridge!

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That’s about it. Thanks for reading. It takes a minute to put these weekly newsletters together. If you enjoy them every week, why not upgrade your subscription to paid as a way of saying thank you? A mere 1.25 a week, I guess that’s about half a coffee!

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Here is your prize: Stanley-the-beautiful:

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If you'd like to buy my books, you can do so here and here.  

Please, remember to tell your people you love them, and take good care of your skin. 

xN