predator, prey, or something else? (again a free💫post)
pots de creme, I'd like to introduce you to my mouth...+ books, an offer, and writing prompts
hey-hey,
I was listening to a podcast about life difficulties and challenges we all will face. The expert said in those hard moments (divorce, illness, job loss, parent falling apart) we can position ourselves as predator or prey. I get it. When I had a cancer diagnosis thirteen years ago I felt like prey. I felt that the cancer was coming to get me, and I was immobilized. I had to shift my view.
When I heard the expert on the podcast say ‘predator or prey’ it was as if a little bell went off in my brain. In this current season of my mother’s disastrous and heartbreaking situation I’ve felt like prey. I’ve turtled my neck down into my shoulders. I jolt every time the phone rings. The chaos has made me feel that I’m running in the street trying to avoid cars and potholes. I don’t trust myself to be able to deal, to cope with what’s coming at me. Changing the language, switching the way I see myself in the present moment, from prey to predator, I feel fortified. I am the one who can take actions and get this whole mess under control to the best of my capability.
While I love the ease of a tidy binary, it’s also false. Life is more complicated than being either victim or aggressor. What if instead we try and take control of our own story? What if opening up, being curious, responding with steady action, with compassion and understanding for ourselves and others gives us more power?
Maybe considering this small shift in attitude will help you as well, with whatever you’re facing. Because we are all facing something. (Like, I don’t know, a terrible ‘administration.’) Take steady steps to feel in charge. Focus your attention in the direction which will see you through to the other side.
Hope this helps. I stand in solidarity beside you no matter what you’re going through.
…
If you’re struggle right now is trying to care for a resistant aging elder, or if you just want to cry/laugh and despair with me, read about my mother’s stubborn hostility in my diary, The Right to Folly. I welcome your company! In fact, I crave your company. Knowing someone is reading and commiserating makes me feel a little less lonely. Here’s the latest post, A Game of Telephone.
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read:
Not going to lie, my focus is wonky just now, because life…. But, I started Curtis Sittenfeld’s new story collection, SHOW DON’T TELL, and I’m all in. I love her writing. She’s sharp, she’s funny, she’s honest, and calls out bullshit. Here’s a bit from the title story, about a couple who meet in an MFA writing program:
In the fourth week that Doug and I were dating, his work and mine were discussed in seminar on the same day. Mine was discussed mostly favorably and his was discussed mostly unfavorably, neither of which surprised me. The night before, while naked in Doug's bed, we'd decided to give each other feedback ahead of time. As he lay on top of me, he said that he liked my story, except that he'd been confused by the beginning. I then delivered a seventeen-minute monologue about all the ways he could improve his, at the conclusion of which he stood up, went into the other room, and turned on the TV, even though we hadn't had sex. I believed that a seventeen-minute critique was an act of love, and the truth is that I still do, but the difference between who I was then and who I am now is that now I never assume that anyone I encounter shares my opinion about anything.
Ha!!
Sittenfeld writes about female anxiety and even about photocopying one’s butt! Here’s a great piece from the NYTs. Sittenfeld is just what I need right now.
Also, I just finished listening to REAL AMERICANS, by Rachel Khong. It’s a novel of a Chinese American family. It’s about communism, about immigration, integration, miscommunication, doomed love, fancy parties, and genetic engineering. I will say the science part didn’t hook me, but the characters did. Plus, I loved Khong’s previous novel, GOODBYE VITAMIN.
Finally, under TBR, I think I’m all in for this: THE POWER OF FUN, by Catherine Price. Here’s what the NYer has to say about it:
How many of us feel as if we’re languishing, just doing the same old, same old? And, even when we finally have some leisure time, we don’t do things that are actually fun. We might do something easy, like scroll through TikTok, but that often leaves us feeling gross. Price advocates for fun, which she specifically defines as having three features: connection, flow, and playfulness.
I am not a TikTok-er, but I get the same feeling from instagram. This will def be my next read!
Want more community in 2025? We have zoom r.w.e. book group! Our April selection is MARGO’S GOT MONEY TROUBLES, by Rufi Thorpe, which is a delightful page turner with some teeth.
The book group is a perk for paid subscribers and let me tell you we are a lively bunch!
Go ahead, upgrade to paid and claim your spot. I hope to get to know you better!
write:
This past week two clients of mine said they feel distraught that their writing doesn't measure up to the writing they encounter in the world. Well, welcome to the club!
It might be time once again for Ira Glass’s message: Keep Doing the Work! If your work doesn’t shine yet in the way you wish, please, please, please remember:
So go ahead, feel sad for a minute, get yourself a hot beverage, come back to your desk and here are five prompts:
Sustain your beauty diary practice which I suggested last week.
Write at the top of a blank page: “I never _________ed in front of my mother/father. Then keep writing and see where it goes.
Think of a person you don’t like very much, someone you have a problem with, someone with whom you have a complicated relationship. If you have no such person in your life…congratulations! Make one up.
Describe that person.
The things they carry. What do they keep on their person? Why?
What keeps them up at night?
What’s their favorite swear word?
Where do they spend the majority of their time? Describe the space?
What are their hopes/dreams?
What can they not have? On what must they settle?
Generate a list of disappointments, yours and those of people you know and maybe even love. Didn’t get asked to the prom. Didn’t get the job. Lost your mother’s ring. Got caught lying. Circle the ones that seem the most fraught, the most weighed with possibility. This is just to get you thinking about disappointment and the cringey feeling that comes with.
Next, write a short scene about a time you disappointed someone or thought you disappointed someone, or a time you witnessed another person’s disappointment. Reveal the character’s responses through the gestures, dialog, action…all the things we’ve talked about regarding characterization.Eavesdrop on a conversation in the world, attribute an interesting line you hear to one of your characters. If you’re writing memoir, does what you overhear remind you of something from your life? Does the bongo player look like your mom’s GP? The grocery clerk sound like your old boss? Is there a saying that triggers an important memory?
💫💫💫If you enjoy r.w.e. will you kindly pause to hit the ❤️ at the top left or bottom of this post? It sure does help in the substack scheme of things and gives me a lift! xoNatalie 💫💫💫
eat:
I cannot get enough chocolate pudding. Fat, chocolate, and dairy… what’s not to love!
Chocolate Pots de Crème
1½c heavy cream
½c whole milk
3oz bittersweet chocolate, chopped fine. I used good quality chocolate chips
1oz unsweetened chocolate, finely chopped
4 egg yolks
3T sugar
⅛t kosher salt
Crème fraîche
Preheat oven to 300 degrees. In a heavy saucepan, bring cream and milk to a boil. Remove from heat; whisk in chopped chocolate until smooth.
In a large bowl, whisk together the yolks, sugar and salt. Whisking constantly, slowly pour hot chocolate into yolks. Strain the mixture through a very fine mesh sieve into a large measuring cup or bowl.
Divide mixture among small ramekins. Set filled cups in a large roasting pan that has been positioned on center rack of oven. Add hot tap water to pan, halfway up sides of cups. Cover pan with foil; use a fork to prick holes in foil. (True story, I forgot the foil and everything went perfect!)
Bake until edges are lightly set but center is still jiggly — it will set as it cools — 30 to 35 minutes. Transfer cups to a wire rack to cool completely. Refrigerate at least 3 hours before serving with crème fraîche.
Please consider doubling the recipe as you may want to have a bunch around for troubled times.
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