Hello? 📞 Anxiety Doctor? Can you come over right away?
My fabulous friend, the anxiety doctor, has some r.w.e. ideas for these times...
This post is free because dark times call for generosity! If you can swing it, please consider upping your subscription to paid. I would love that for both of us. And… look!
hey-hey,
Did you happen to see “My Parting Prescription” from Dr. Vivek Hallegere Murthy, our exiting Surgeon General? If you missed, no fear, here it is. Guess what? He doesn’t prescribe a halt to vaccines! He declares community the most important and most anemic aspect of our society. Without community, Murthy says, “it is hard to feel whole.” He continues:
…community is a powerful source of life satisfaction and life expectancy. It’s where we know each other, help each other, and find purpose in contributing to each other’s lives.
In the prescription he provides this gorgeous diagram:
…
Which brings me to my occasional series: “The People in my Neighborhood.”
We’re all surrounded by interesting and thoughtful people, and since building and nurturing community was already my goal for 2025-2029, and now I’ve got the Surgeon General backing me up, I invite all of us to pay closer attention to the people around us. The first installment in my series introduced you to your new chic French friend, Sylvie.
For the second installment may I present, Deborah, your get-out-of-jail-free-card for anxious moments.
She and her family are our closest neighbors and part of our chosen family. Value add? Deborah is an anxiety specialist! How lucky are we? Especially in this moment… I’ve invited Deborah to steer this week’s newsletter. To share her favorite snacks, a meal, tv series, and books.
But first, some solid anxiety reducing strategies:
Deborah: A lot of us are fearful about what might happen. Instead of imagining the worst case scenarios, we can try to focus on what is happening now. If you feel helpless (which I think many of us are feeling right now), find a way to make a meaningful difference. Taking action is a salve for helplessness:
donate what you can to an organization that does work you believe in
write (or call 202.224.2131) your representative or senator
volunteer for an organization that supports something you value
join a protest or boycott
make a stand against bigotry and prejudice
Get support from friends, family, your communities. Let people know how you feel. Talk about it! You may be helping them express their feelings as well. A two-fer!
Exercise regularly. Go for walks, dance, yoga (consider YOGA NIDRA), swim, go to a gym, engage in team sports, do whatever gets you moving. And if you’re around people, even better.
Eat healthy food.
Try to get enough sleep. When your mind is racing at night, think of a mundane thing that you do all the time, like brushing your teeth. I walk people through the experience in excruciating detail so they can practice on their own. For example:
Tell me about brushing your teeth? (In the minutia… you cannot get specific enough.)
How do you turn on the faucet?
Which fingers do you use?
How do you exert pressure?
With which hand do you pick up the toothpaste?
How do you remove the cap? etc…
This exercise takes focus and is not upsetting. Basically you are boring yourself back to sleep. Which is really the goal.
Treat yourself to things that lift you up.
Natalie: Popping in here to say, don’t underestimate the value of an at home face mask. Just sayin’
Deborah: Finally, if you’re spending too much time reading the news, give yourself permission to limit your consumption. Dedicate yourself to meaningful action. Everyday choose from a menu of actions, some that have brought you joy and some that have given you a sense of accomplishment. Choose from each category. Make this your daily diet.
Try to place yourself in a broader historical context; if there are things happening now that are upsetting to you, remind yourself that all of this is temporary.
read:
Deborah: I’m only reading light, uplifting books right now. I’m rereading THE BOOK OF DELIGHTS, by Ross Gay, which reminds me to appreciate what is in my immediate environment and to be mindful of everyday joys.
…
Natalie: I too am after the uplift! I left a book group because the reading choices were simply too dark. I just can’t deal with a book right now that feels as if I’m taking my medicine! I’m reading, I’M MOSTLY HERE TO ENJOY MYSELF, by Glinnis MacNicol. Which is a delight, and word on the street is it’s pretty sexy! (It will be our r.w.e. book group discussion for March.) Ross Gay also has THE BOOK OF (MORE) DELIGHTS, and INCITING JOY.
As I’ve been participating in protests in my city, I’ve noticed that they’re largely populated by women-of-a-certain-age. Not because we have time on our hands, but because, contrary to popular belief, we do have fucks to give, and we’re not content sitting at home wringing our hands… we seek marching orders and leadership. One of my literary heroes spent chunks of her life protesting the Viet Nam war, pesticide use, and farm worker conditions. You’d be well entertained and nurtured by (re)reading Grace Paley. A GRACE PALEY READER. As a treat, a little nibble, read, “My Father Addresses Me on the Facts of Old Age.”
I also found this post from
pretty soothing. Plenty of calls to action. Plenty of self care.Do you have a book that helps you to relax and feel balanced? Please, do tell!
Want more community in 2025? We have zoom r.w.e. book group! For March we are going to be reading I’M MOSTLY HERE TO ENJOY MYSELF, by Glynnis MacNicol. Heads up, it’s supposed to be pretty sexy. The book group is a perk for paid subscribers and let me tell you we are a lively bunch!
Go ahead, upgrade to paid and claim your spot. I hope to get to know you better!
Check my read.write.eat. Bookshop Store, where you will find many of the books I've recommended in the newsletter. Buying books from my shop is a way you can be a friend to the newsletter.
write:
Here are a couple of ideas to untangle worries.
Deborah: When I’m with an anxious client/patient I offer this 3 column, ABC form:
We begin with column C. I ask them to write their emotional reactions to an upsetting event. Emotional reactions are always true and valid. Being upset about an event is reasonable and human. We don’t need to question or judge our feelings.
Next, I ask them to write in the A column about the objective facts of the event, as if observing from the outside.
In the B column, write down what it was about the event that caused them to feel the way they feel. It is in the B column that we can inquire about the accuracy and helpfulness of our appraisals.
Through this process we can sometimes modify our thoughts about situations and gain relief.
…
Natalie: I’m not going to lie. Aside from writing to you all, which brings me joy and lights up my day, I’ve not been doing much writing on my creative project. What have I been doing a lot of? Perseverating in the middle of the night…about struggles with my aging mother, about the state of the world. My husband had an illuminating discussion with his therapist who offered this cure for circling the drain in the dark.
About two hours before bed, sit down with a piece of paper and write out your worst fears, your deepest concerns about whatever is keeping you up. Go wild. Go dark. Get it all out of your brain. I’m going to suggest you then step outside and set a match to it! Watch your worst fears go up in smoke. Make it a ritual! Once you’ve done this, don’t look at the news. Instead, turn off your phone and fall into your book (see choices above) or a comfort tv show (see choices below).
watch:
Deborah: I’m up for anything that allows escape (WHAT WE DO IN THE SHADOWS, SHOGUN, or RESERVATION DOGS). And I’m all in for relaxation (hello QUEER EYE BRAZIL).
Natalie: We just did a rewatch of FLEABAG! What a joy. Watching the very human and flawed way in which Fleabag processed the grief of losing both her mother and her best friend was life affirming… because we all participate in getting in our own way! Maybe not in the exact ways Fleabag does, but definitely we gum up our own works! And, the value add of the show, Olivia Coleman is fantastic as Fleabag’s passive aggressive mother-in-law. Give it a (re)watch.
💫💫💫If you enjoy r.w.e. will you kindly pause to hit the ❤️ at the top left or bottom of this post? It sure does help in the substack scheme of things and gives me a lift! xoNatalie 💫💫💫
eat/snack:
Deborah: Crunchy, salty, sweet Honeycrisp apples check all the boxes when you slather with peanut butter, top with very sharp cheddar cheese, or both! Desperate times call for it all…
And, on Sundays I have a happy ritual of scrolling the NYTS Cooking app rather than doom scrolling the news, and choosing an easy and delicious recipe to cook with my husband and enjoy with my family (I have two teenagers) during the work week. A recent fav:
Dan Pelosi’s One-Pot Chicken and Rice with Caramelized Lemon.
1 1/2 lbs. chicken (the recipe calls for thighs but I prefer breast meat. I think you should add more chicken—perhaps 2 1/2 lbs.)
2t dried oregano
crushed red pepper to taste
salt and pepper
olive oil
2 lemons
1 c pitted Castelvertano olives smashed and roughly chopped,
6 cloves garlic, minced
2 medium shallot minced
2c white rice
4c chicken broth
1/4 c roughly chopped parsley for serving
Heat oven to 400 degrees. Season the chicken with salt, pepper, oregano and crushed red pepper.
Put a glug of oil in a large Dutch oven and heat. Brown the chicken on all sides. Remove from the pot.
Cut 1 lemon into thick slices and cook until caramalized (about 2 minutes). Remove from the pot and set aside.
Add more oil, olives, garlic, shallots, plus a bit more salt and pepper (to taste) to the pot. Cook until shallot is translucent. Add the rice and broth. Cover until it comes to a boil.
Add the chicken on top of the rice. Place the pot (covered) in the oven and bake until fully cooked (25-30 minutes). Serve topped with parsley and the caramelized lemons, as well as a squeeze of lemon juice. (A nice addition might be some finely chopped sun-dried tomatoes, added with the rice and broth, for a bright flavor!)
A giant thank you to Deborah! and a playlist to get you moving:
Stanley wishes you peace and a Happy Valentine’s Day!
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