flirting with the couch: lying around and lying to myself

+ an agent and an editor have something to tell you ++ salty lemons

May 02, 2024

I love it when you:

hey-ho!

Does this ever happen to you? It’s mid-morning, late-morning, mid-afternoon, ten minutes ago, and from the corner of your eye you catch your couch flirting with you. “Hey beautiful, you look tense,” your very seductive couch says. Then the couch does a little chin flick like a singer in a boy band. “Come on over.” The remote control gets in on it too, winking at you. Next, an inviting little coaster upon which to set a beverage shimmers at you. There’s a zillion things to read, to watch… it would be so easy. (And now, with HACKS back for a third season… how does one resist? Wait, you’ve not seen HACKS? Please stop what you are doing and go binge seasons 1 & 2. I feel as if I should give you my MAX password! The show + gin and tonics + a beloved pal saved us during a pandemic/heat-wave/broken AC week!)

When I was a teenager I had no problem lying around watching TV or reading a book in the middle of the day. Of course now we have obligations that keep us from that kind of irresponsible behavior. But wouldn’t it be nice to lie about? Could you do it without feeling guilty?

Slouching on the couch should be a relaxing activity but I wind up feeling cruddy instead of enjoying myself.

Here are ways to gift that lovely slouch-on-the-couch session to yourself.

Schedule it! Put it on your to do list so it feels official. Give the seesh a beginning and an end so you don’t ‘accidentally’ press next episode.
Be honest about what relaxes you. Maybe deep breathing and meditation make you feel like a loser… you just can’t stop the Monkey Mind. Maybe one episode of a comfort TV show lowers your heart rate. Need British Bake Off or The Gilmore Girls? Abbot Elementary or 30 Rock? Hacks? I say go for it. Or, instead of TV, read the first half of some long-ass NYer article.
Commit to doing nothing while you’re supine. Don’t turn to your hobby/side hustle/laundry! Fully relax. Fully tune in.
Don’t force yourself to earn this rest. It’s not a reward for work done. Rest is a necessary feature of your day. A way to prevent burnout.
If you cannot shut down the negative self talk or the guilt around making time to rest, try the RAIN meditation. (I know I just bad vibed meditation above… I’m complicated okay?) First recognize the negative thought. Next allow it, meaning don’t give it weight, just be curious. A sort of, “Huh, would you look at that…” moment. Now, investigate, why are you disparaging yourself in this way? Finally, be neutral, you are not your thoughts or your feelings. Let that shit go!

Do you cave to the siren song of the couch? What do you watch? How do you let go?

read:

I’ve just finished reading Curtis Sittenfeld’s story collection, YOU THINK IT I’LL SAY IT. I feel a bit sheepish for what I’m about to say…but according to Goodreads, I already read this book, years ago. Well, first thought/best thought: Goodreads is a liar!

Okay a couple of the stories were familiar. (THE PRAIRIE WIFE would be a great listen for your walk and/or commute.) Yet many of the stories I was def enjoying for the first time. Which means, I’m the liar! I must have given myself credit for reading the collection for my Goodreads Reading Challenge. Basically that means I’m lying to myself, faking meeting my goal! It’s as if I suddenly started wearing a cowboy hat to pretend I love a good ranch! How ridiculous am I?

In any case, the collection is an absolute pleasure. From the story, “Do Over,” consider this lament over Hillary Clinton’s election loss, which rings very true and hard today.

It turns out that Democracies aren’t that stable. And neither are marriages. And I’m so fucking confused. I didn’t think I’d be this confused when I was forty-three. […] I thought I’d have my act together. I have my job. I have my family. We’re all, knock-on-wood, pretty healthy. […] There was this story I told myself, that growing up I’d been the awkward good girl, the responsible student, that I’d missed out socially but it would all come out in the wash. I thought I was finished being the teenager who lay in her dorm room, wracked with misery, wanting things she couldn’t have. But something came loose. I am still that teenager. […] I’ve become reckless and crazy. […] Like who knows what will happen to any of us. Why shouldn’t I enjoy myself in a way I’ve never been good at? I’ve never done drugs. […] Recently I’ve wondered, should I try to buy cocaine?

Something came loose alright. I love these stories for their palpable yearning. For the recognition that life is confusing in every decade.

I’m reading THE ADVENTURES OF HUCKLEBERRY FINN, by Mark Twain, in advance of reading JAMES, by Percival Everett. I’m so interested the ways Huck ties himself up and sets himself free regarding the moral quandary he feels about abetting Jim’s escape. At the root of it, Jim is his friend, and yet, at this point in my reading (I'm about one-third through) Huck also feels Jim is property. I cannot wait to inhabit Jim’s POV in Percival Everett’s novel.

read.write.eat. book chats are a value add for paid subscribers. For May/June we’ll be reading both THE ADVENTURES OF HUCKLEBERRY FINN, and JAMES, by Percival Everett. (Here’s an audio version of Huck Finn for $1!) If you’re interested in joining, and I hope you are, do drop me a note.

And, if you haven’t already, upgrade to a paid subscription. It’s only 5 dollars a month. The cost of one coffee!

write:

I know you’ve heard it… the hue and cry that writers must have platforms! We must have a hefty load of followers, a podcast, a newsletter! Be on Insta, on Threads, on Facebook, on Booktok! What’s one to do?

Well, I asked a couple of experts. First, the generous and smart Andrea Schulz, VP and Editor in Chief over at Viking, whom I was unbelievably lucky to work with on my first book.

AS: There is no hard and fast rule about “platform” - the writing is always what we talk about first and foremost - but a couple of thoughts: I don’t think about platform for fiction writers as much as I do for nonfiction, but I am always interested in whether fiction writers are part of the literary community, even just going to readings at their local indie or volunteering at a literacy org – I think it gives writers a sense of readers and the publishing universe that can help them navigate their own publishing experience. When it comes to nonfiction, I am less inclined to talk about platform than experience in a topic, and consider it in terms of what would make me trust someone to take me through 300-some pages – what do they know about a subject, what kind of sources do they have access to, have they tackled that topic in articles or a Substack where people have responded to their voice or argument? Authority can be developed in lots of ways, and the world offers more pathways than ever to connect with the readers who are hungry for what only you can tell them.

Does that shine a ray of sunshine into your heart? It does mine. I love what Andrea says about being part of a literary community. That is so doable, and who knows, engaging with writers and readers IRL may move you to become more forward facing in your online (i.e.platform) literary life.

…

Next, from Noah Ballard, a Literary Agent at Verve, representing Non-Fiction. Noah’s sharp and savvy, he holds no punches and his authors are very lucky indeed to have him on their side. He and I met years ago at Community of Writers, a wonderful writing conference you may want to check out.

NB: When it comes to non-fiction, an author’s platform is an incredibly important factor when making the case to major publishers to invest in their books. The three main questions non-fiction editors are asking in acquisition meetings are: Why this book? Why this author? Why right now? While the central hook of the book, its literary merit and its positioning in the marketplace as an urgent addition to cultural discourse are all key to the value of a publishing program, the ability to have readers discover this book, however, is central to its success, especially in pre-orders and early sales, which dictate its commercial momentum.

A way many books take off is by word of mouth. That first mouth has to be the author themselves. The question is “why is this author’s individual perspective interesting?” The book should act as a capstone for a body of work with which readers are familiar. Whether that’s expertise in a specific area backed by industry bone fides, a truly unique and authentic lived experience adjacent to an urgent conversation, a dynamic social media following, or a combination of these factors, readers need both a compelling reason why they should spend their hard-earned money and an iterative way to hear about the writer in the first place.

Okay, ray of sunshine? Not so much. But certainly pragmatic and solid marching orders. Put yourself out there! Claim your field!

…

I think if it doesn’t come naturally to you, if you don’t enjoy yourself on any of the socials, it will show. Write essays adjacent to your book’s subject. Submit! Over on the socials, maybe begin by commenting and liking the work of other writers whose subject aligns with yours, or whose work you consume. (Hit my like button! Leave me a comment!) When/if you’re scrolling, engage. I can’t tell you the pleasure I recently got from falling into the comments about tuna salad over on The Department of Salad from

emily nunn

and, because food is part of my writing here and in my fiction it makes sense for me to engage in a conversation about mayonnaise. It’s authentic to me. The smart

Leigh Stein

has lots of solid advice on how to gain readers, and how to be authentic. Do yourselves a favor, subscribe to Leigh’s newsletter, Attention Economy for more on all of this.

prompt:

A complete pivot:

A wonderful writer and previous student of mine, Nancy Linnon, is studying to be a death doula. She and I have been in conversation about her work which encourages us to embrace how undeniable elements of living—loss, grief, and death—help us become present to the beauty and exquisiteness of being alive.

NL: Preparing for death is a life-long process. Prompts introduce the concept of “sweeping the path” of our life now so that the path to our eventual death is clear. Path-sweeping increases the peace we feel with life so that we can also die peacefully, whenever that time comes. In the Indigenous Hawaiian culture there is a ritual that involves using five statements as a way for a dying person to communicate with loved ones:

Thank you
I’m Sorry
I Forgive You
I Love You
Goodbye

These statements prompt deep reflection and expression.

I encourage you to use Nancy’s prompts now. If not for yourself, perhaps gift them to a character you’ve been writing. And, if you are interested in pursuing more explorations around death and life. Nancy is offering a writing circle in which participants will write in response to more prompts intended to help explore our relationship with grief and with death and dying.

Living and Dying: A Writing Circle w/Nancy Linnon
Fridays, June 21 and 29 from 9 a.m.-1 p.m.
Contact nancy@themovingpen.net for more information or to register.

If all this information is your jam, let me know!

SHVETS Production/Karolina Grabows Pexels

eat:

In case you need a beverage for your slouch-on-the-couch, check this:

Dirty Lemon Tonic

2t finely chopped preserved lemon, see below
5 very thinly sliced fresh lemon wheels
1t granulated sugar
Ice
4oz dry tonic water, chilled
Slice of preserved lemon rind, green olives (Castelvetrano) and half wheel of lemon, for garnish

In the bottom of a sturdy glass, add the preserved lemon, lemon wheels and sugar. Muddle until the sugar dissolves and the lemon wheels release their juices. Add the ice to the glass and top with tonic water.

Thread a skewer with a slice of preserved lemon rind, a few olives and a lemon half wheel; garnish. Of course, this gin would also be a great addition!

Preserved Lemon
You can buy it, or make some this weekend to have on hand in the future.

9 organic lemons
Kosher salt
1t black peppercorns
2 bay leaves

Scrub 3 to 5 organic lemons, enough to fit snugly in a medium jar with a tight-fitting lid (have 2 to 4 more ready on the side). Slice each lemon from the top to within ½ inch of the bottom, almost cutting them into quarters but leaving them attached at one end. Rub kosher salt over the cut surfaces, then reshape the fruit. Cover the bottom of the jar with more kosher salt. Fit all the cut lemons in, breaking them apart as needed. Sprinkle more salt on each layer.

Press the lemons down to release their juices. Add peppercorns and bay leaves to the jar, then squeeze additional lemons into the jar until juice covers everything.

Put the lid on the jar and let lemons ripen at cool room temperature, shaking the jar every day for 3 to 4 weeks, or until the rinds are tender to the bite. Then store in the refrigerator.

To use, remove a piece of lemon and rinse it. (Add more fresh lemons to the brine as you use them up.) The minced rind is added at the very end of cooking or used raw; the pulp can be added to a simmering pot of something delicious.

Here, here, here, and here are excellent ways to use your preserved lemons.