cavorting on my ebike? oh la la!

habits, snacks + a Mary Poppins Dom

May 30, 2023

Dear Ones,

Bonjour! I am in France, writing, teaching, swimming, eating, and floundering in my language adventures. Today at a delightful brunch with a table full of French speakers I tried to convey how much I love the e-bikes my husband and I have been riding in the foothills of Collioure. (Je l’aime!) The power boost + the freedom to roam makes me feel as if I’m seven again, on my purple stingray, riding figure eights in the empty church parking lot across the street from my childhood home, free of responsibility and catching the breeze. Somehow it came out that my love for the e-bike is passionate (well, maybe it is), eyebrows were raised and we never got back to my true feeling.

I want more of that freedom, that skip in my step. I’ve been thinking about the saying (attributed to Aristotle), “We are what we repeatedly do.” So what can I do to boost my nh light hearted feeling? To begin, I’m looking at my tiny habits:

How I start my day: Rather than the habit of reaching for my phone and perusing headlines, I still reach for my phone (I’m alive in 2023 for goodness sake) but now start with coffee in bed, Wordle, then the culture section of The Atlantic, Food, and Well in the NYTs. Not to say I don’t stay up to date on news, but not at the start of my day.

How I talk to myself: I can be like a member of the Roy family on Succession when it comes to the voice inside my head. Self-critical, baked in harsh attitudes about my body, my productivity, my value. At 61, my interior voice has softened for sure (I don’t hate my thighs like I did when I was a teenager! I love them for being strong enough to pedal that e-bike.) + I find that if I appreciate my own delight in the world I can be a pretty good friend to myself.

Who I spend time with: I saw a quote somewhere that said, surround yourself with people who light up when they see you! I concur. I want to be around people that enjoy me as much as I enjoy them.

What I read: Make a habit of digging into books that consume you with story, beautiful language, honesty, interesting characters, and maybe a few laughs for goodness sake.

What I listen to: I nearly always have music on in the house and it completely ups my mood. Here are two playlists #1 and #2 that absolutely get me feeling good in my body.

Share read.write.eat.

read:

THE COPENHAGEN TRILOGY, by Tove Ditlevsen is decidedly not funny, nor is it tragic (at least not yet! I’m two thirds through). But oh, the precise language. And, oh, being submerged in Copenhagen at the cusp of World War II. And oh, the universal youthful yearning—to discover your path and your people. And oh, the earned truths young Tove learns, meaningful to me now, in my life.

Beautiful language from Ditlevsen:
Summer had come. When I went home in the evening, the fresh breeze cooled my stove-flushed cheeks like a silk handkerchief, and young girls in light dresses walked hand in hand with their sweethearts. I felt very alone.

Truth from Ditlevsen:
You’re not supposed to know everything about a person — remember that. Then it stops being exciting.

Another truth:
When my mother begins to be outraged at other people’s behavior, she’s temporarily saved from the deepest despair.

⬆️⬆️⬆️Oh geez, that one really got to me. Outrage is so much more satisfying than despair. How many painful feelings have we all avoided by focusing on our umbrage? Of course that only delays the inevitable.

I've made a read.write.eat. Bookshop Store, where you will find many of the books I've recommended in the newsletter. Buying books from my shop is a way you can support my newsletter.

Also, ICYMI, have an essay up at Memoir Land, “Tell Me, What Do You Think of You.”

write:

I’m spending afternoons writing. Yes, this newsletter, but also working on my manuscript. I’ve been so close to the end, for months. Yet I’ve delayed, postponed, avoided getting the work done. Why? Because I feel actually sick to my stomach when I consider sending the work into the world. I hate the business end of writing. So, I practice self-sabotage. Do you? I know what I want, and yet I keep staying in my comfort zone of not being finished, writing essays, folding laundry, so I needn’t expose myself. I need wind at my back, someone encouraging and guiding me, and that used to embarrass me. But that supportive wind is exactly what I provide to my clients.

Deadlines
Insightful + critical + inspiring margin notes
Tough kindness, a take no crap attitude.

Lying awake one night, despairing about my rut, I thought of Jane and Michael Banks and the song they sing as they yearn for a new nanny. “If you want this choice position, have a cheery disposition…” They write down their wishes, tear up the page, toss it in the fireplace and magically it floats into the sky, is reassembled. Voilà, Mary Poppins appears. Talk about the universe responding! I decided I needed a tough aide, a Mary Poppins/Dom to help me through to the end.

Guess what? I put my yearning into the world (not in a fireplace, but via a friend’s Facebook account because I don’t have one) and I think I found my answer. I’ve hired someone and I’m excited. I’m working, I’m learning. I’ll keep you posted how things turn out.

Why am I telling you all this? Because I don’t want you to despair. I want you to find a writing partner, sign up for a class, join a writing group, celebrate every time you submit something, and should you receive a rejection, send something else out right away. Find your own Mary Poppins Dom. You can check my edit/coach page here.

Another truth from Tove Ditlevsen upon receiving a rejection for a poem:
Don’t let yourself be beaten by something like this. Trust in yourself, otherwise you’ll never get anyone else too.

I have a tiny prompt for you: Write a chronology from your life. Maybe a chronology of couches you’ve owned. (A student of mine is absolutely on fire with this prompt!) List your bicycles, tattoos, boyfriends, heartbreaks, hairstyles, things you’ve lost, things you’ve found, a chronology of your firsts… swimming, cigarettes, sex, the time you realized your mom was human.

Big thanks to everyone who has bought me a coffee. I’m so grateful you enjoy my free newsletter, and that you took time to drop me a note and offer support. Yay! Cute button below for anyone who'd like to join in

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eat:

Apéro, the pre-dinner aperitif and snack, is a verb here in France. As in, “I’m so glad we are apéro-ing.” Thank goodness for the joyful marché in Collioure. After our last visit our bike baskets overflowed with carrots, artichokes, onions, parsley, apricots, strawberries, haricot vert, garlic, celery, and a melon … for 18 EU. Plenty of ingredients for a beautiful apéro.

Should you choose to apéro yourself, try these:

Roasted Artichokes,

Place 4-6 small artichokes, rough outer leaves pulled off and the spiky tips of the leaves trimmed away, in a steamer basket over simmering water and cook nearly all the way through. I check at 45 minutes by yanking off a leaf and testing for tenderness. When the meat comes off fairly easily against your teeth, remove the artichokes and let cool on a cutting board. When easy to handle, hold each artichoke stem side up, tip down, and slice in half. Scoop out the choke. Place them all cut side up in a baking dish.

In a small bowl mix 2-3 cloves of garlic-minced, lemon zest, chopped parsley, fresh or dried oregano, a couple anchovy filets-chopped fine, maybe some breadcrumbs and parmesan, or capers would be lovely as well. Add a couple glugs of olive oil and stir well. Spoon the mixture into the little cavity in each of the artichokes. Add a tiny nob of butter, perhaps thin lemon slice over the top and bake at 425 degrees for about 20 minutes. Do keep an eye out for the leaves burning.

Serve with radishes, butter, and salt, a good comté cheese, olives, baguette and a rosé! Grab some friends, take it outdoors, and voilà!

What would read.write.eat. be without a little bit of Stanley! Here he is, either terribly forlorn that we are away, or else he’s completely forgotten us.

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Please, remember to tell your people you love them and take good care of your skin.

xN