bon anniversaire á moi
I offer a second childhood for everyone!
Bonjour-Bonjour!
It’s my birthday today (17 January and yes, I take a week!). If you know me you know I’m thinking about what I want my year ahead to look like… what do I want? more/less
MORE:
Making art. Hanging with friends. Dinner parties. Nature. Museums. Experiencing awe.
These past months in France I’ve experienced more delight, more surprise, more laughter than I have in years. Les trucs quotidien… a tiny street, trying to figure out which is the correct milk for our coffee (lait entier), les lumiéres in the streets, the papeterie, the way I can’t make rhyme-or-reason of restaurant hours, when the vendeur de légumes corrects my French! New friends!!
Matisse’s Chapel.
Radishes.
More travel, which is like a second childhood, much better than my first! (more on that down below)
LESS:
Getting snagged in things I cannot control or fix. Feeling responsible for other peoples’ happiness. Wine. Sugar. Judging (myself and others). Insecurity/checking likes. Berating myself when I mess up.
Little by little the bird builds her nest… little by little we build the way we choose to be in the world. And, yes I’m thinking, little by little this bird builds her next.
…
Please, tell me about your more/less:
And, here’s a lovely song to listen to while you consider:
read:
Oh my gosh, Friends. I took two months to read THE LONELINESS OF SONIA AND SUNNY, by Kiran Desai.
What a pleasure to do a slow read. My process was a bit bizarre. First I bought the audiobook, next I found an English language bookshop in Aix en Provence and bought the physical book (huge and heavy… not great for a suitcase). Then I toggled back and forth—listening to sections, re-reading sections, relishing passages like this:
Mama got up, went into her bedroom, and shut the door. A woman must stay alone for a long while until the hate men have for women has left her, and even longer until the jealousy women have for other women has left her, and longer still until the anger her children have for her has left her—until she is no longer a woman altered by the resentment of men, women, and children, no longer what others have forced her to be, but empty as a skull or a shell, filled only by whatever she pleases, forest air perhaps.
Umm, wow. Forest air please!
…
The experience of a slow read of this novel was not unlike dining at a French restaurant. You sit down, you fall into the drama of being noticed by the server, you do your best to translate the menu, you order, you get your beverage and sip and chat with beloveds and new friends around the table. Next, an amuse bouche, followed by the courses, then a pause, then le fromage (if you choose), and dessert… and coffee. The more I think of this as similar to my reading experience, the more I realize that a French meal is also a bit like Freytag’s pyramid! The inciting event, the rising action, the denouement, followed by café!
(In case you're interested, here is my pdf version of story structure.)
The novel was amazing. At times I was frustrated and wanted less time between courses… less summary, less time away from my favorite characters, less time anticipating the union of the Sonia and Sunny. And yet, Dear Reader, at the end, I was so glad for the pacing, I was so delighted to have read this banquet of a novel, which seemed to truly understand unavoidable pain, the way we change our minds, the loneliness of not just Sonia and Sunny, but of us all. And, of course, how it is remedied. I loved this novel.
…
Please, tell me what you’re reading:
Meanwhile, don’t forget the r.w.e. book group. Our selection for February is THE CORRESPONDENT, by Virginia Evans.
The book group is a perk for paid subscribers and let me tell you we are a lively bunch!
Go ahead, upgrade to paid and claim your spot. I hope to get to know you better! And, I have very exciting news about a visiting writer in April!
I've made a read.write.eat. Bookshop where you will find many of the books I've recommended. Buying books from my shop is another way you can support my newsletter.
write:
As you know I’ve been writing about my experience caring for my recalcitrant mother. It has been hard to keep her safe in the face of her resistance. A piece I wrote:
spoke to my agent, who then spoke to me, and abracadabra now I am writing a memoir. Why am I telling you? Well, because I’ve not felt excited about writing for a while, and I want to share that feeling of being newly lit up by a project. I want to share with those of you who may be feeling fallow in your work, who may feel they’ve been swallowed up by life, hang on…
I’m telling you to force myself into accountability. If I announce I’m doing the work, I will have to do the work!
Finally, I’m telling you because, as I’ve told my memoir writing clients, don’t write the story if you are too “in” the story. Don’t write the memoir if you haven’t done the hard work of healing. This was me, speaking to my therapist (and yes, it takes a village to be me I guess!):
As my therapist said, yes there was love, yes there was joy, and yes there is no such thing as benign neglect. She gave me this advice about an influx of sorrow I experienced recently as I wrote:
The dust of your childhood is there with you but not in you any more. Of course you will feel some pain but you are not in the pain… You have done the hard work of healing, and so will not be activated.
And so, Dear Writer, if you find yourself kneecapped as you embark upon a story from your life, do consider taking some time to heal first.
And, if you are looking for editorial support, I have space in my calendar this spring.
eat:
As you know, we’ve been cooking a bit in our understocked Airbnb kitchen. Yet these past weeks, back in French school, not so much. Please enjoy these pictures of food in lieu of a recipe. (desolée)
Thanks for reading. I hope your day includes many MORES. If you’re not yet a paid subscriber yet would like to be, here is a friendly button:
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Remember to tell your people you love them and take good care of your skin.
