Just catching up with posts and read this. Stopped me in my tracks. So precisely your experience and so universal. My mom kept her purse with the keys to the house next to her chair in the nursing home for years. I hope we are all spared that fate. Thanks for writing that.
My heart goes out to you. There's a very distinctive twisting in the gut that happens when dealing with a parent who seems to be morphing into a child. It is heartbreaking and frustrating and so very, very hard. You are doing your best, and I see you.
Natalie I love your energy, your optimism, your brave vulnerability. Aside from all that, you are brilliant. I don’t know if anyone has said that to you, but I am, here and now. Your breadth of knowledge about writing is remarkable, and your willingness to share the unshiny parts of you is endearing. When I can’t read another word from anyone else I can read your substack and feel better, lighter, reminded of the beauty and heartbreak in the world and still laugh. Your desk plaque is right: you ARE doing an amazing fucking job. ❤️❤️❤️
I’m so sorry to hear all of this with your mom. 😞 your writing, even on sad and difficult subjects like this, is beautiful. The end part, where your mom’s dad refused to take the collect call, is just tragic. The cycle of getting fucked up continues. I hope you are somehow managing to take care of yourself. Sending love. ❤️
Wow....this is so hard. I've certainly witnessed the hospitals doing irresponsible stuff with elderly people, but this is pretty extraordinary. wishing the best for your mom---and you, too.
Natalie, this is so beautiful and so heartbreaking. When your mother's father refused to take her call from the hospital, oh my gosh. I was so caught up in the story. I know the pain of long-distance caregiving for a parent. It's so hard. We're rooting for you and your mom.
Oh Natalie, this is so tough, I'm so sorry. My sister and I had a similar journey with my mom, so we can relate and we send you love, strength and courage across the Atlantic.
Natalie, this is heartbreaking, all of it, the purse, the keys to nothing, the 'you sold my house!', the darned hospital! A few of my besties' were dealing with this too...I'm sad for them. Is it guilt one feels when we haven't gone through this, but are so thankful that we didn't have to? (My mom passed away in her late 60's (way too young)-that was over 45 years ago when my second baby was born...and yes I am still sad.) But my grief doesn't fill me with the fear of wondering how my mother is at any particular moment in time, like it must you and my dear friend still. My heart goes out to you Natalie. All I can do is send you hugs and courage.
God, this is beautiful and raw and so damn sad. Also, I am angry, so very angry at the way that we become invisible as we age, here in the states in particular. I picture your mother in that waiting room and wish only that one person had eyes to see her. I want to march down to the nearest hospital and just check in with anyone sitting alone to see if they need anything. This should be a volunteer program. Maybe I will start it.
(I also wrote about Shrodinger's cat this week and was told by a reader that he'd read three other substacks mentioning Schrodinger, so I don't know what is going on. But I kind of like it.)
I love the idea of people checking in in emergency waiting rooms. That sounds like a good volunteer agency. Thank you for reading and letting me know. I’m so glad I got to meet you this summer. xN
Heartbreaking re: your mom...I went through similar stuff with my late mother, who also suffered from dementia. I feel for you both. On a brighter note, thanks for the Christmas playlist...you continue to impress with your musical mindfulness!
It could be wonderful, yes, if one can accept and lean into the possibilities of today.
You must feel very far away. Please be gentle with yourself. You’ve been a fabulous, if not always welcome, caretaker for your mom. You also deserve to live your biggest and best life.
Natalie,
Just catching up with posts and read this. Stopped me in my tracks. So precisely your experience and so universal. My mom kept her purse with the keys to the house next to her chair in the nursing home for years. I hope we are all spared that fate. Thanks for writing that.
Thank you, Sheila. I’m grateful for your thoughts. Take care! (I will always think of you snorkeling in Collioure!) xN
My heart goes out to you. There's a very distinctive twisting in the gut that happens when dealing with a parent who seems to be morphing into a child. It is heartbreaking and frustrating and so very, very hard. You are doing your best, and I see you.
Thank you, Leslie. I appreciate all you do. xN
Natalie I love your energy, your optimism, your brave vulnerability. Aside from all that, you are brilliant. I don’t know if anyone has said that to you, but I am, here and now. Your breadth of knowledge about writing is remarkable, and your willingness to share the unshiny parts of you is endearing. When I can’t read another word from anyone else I can read your substack and feel better, lighter, reminded of the beauty and heartbreak in the world and still laugh. Your desk plaque is right: you ARE doing an amazing fucking job. ❤️❤️❤️
I’m so sorry to hear all of this with your mom. 😞 your writing, even on sad and difficult subjects like this, is beautiful. The end part, where your mom’s dad refused to take the collect call, is just tragic. The cycle of getting fucked up continues. I hope you are somehow managing to take care of yourself. Sending love. ❤️
Thank you. We are doing our best to break the cycle. xN
Wow....this is so hard. I've certainly witnessed the hospitals doing irresponsible stuff with elderly people, but this is pretty extraordinary. wishing the best for your mom---and you, too.
Natalie, this is so beautiful and so heartbreaking. When your mother's father refused to take her call from the hospital, oh my gosh. I was so caught up in the story. I know the pain of long-distance caregiving for a parent. It's so hard. We're rooting for you and your mom.
Thank you, Sue. I appreciate you. xN
Oh Natalie, this is so tough, I'm so sorry. My sister and I had a similar journey with my mom, so we can relate and we send you love, strength and courage across the Atlantic.
Thank you, Lois. I am so glad you and your sister had one another. xN
Natalie, this is heartbreaking, all of it, the purse, the keys to nothing, the 'you sold my house!', the darned hospital! A few of my besties' were dealing with this too...I'm sad for them. Is it guilt one feels when we haven't gone through this, but are so thankful that we didn't have to? (My mom passed away in her late 60's (way too young)-that was over 45 years ago when my second baby was born...and yes I am still sad.) But my grief doesn't fill me with the fear of wondering how my mother is at any particular moment in time, like it must you and my dear friend still. My heart goes out to you Natalie. All I can do is send you hugs and courage.
So kind. Thank you. xN
Oh, Natalie. Heartbreaking.
Oh man, Natalie.
Tape. Holding ourselves together. Office supply stores as an infirmary of identity. Possibility.
Dear Writer; a heartfelt story with a bagful of humility, angst, harrowing journey, love.
I love what you say about office supply stores as an infirmary of identity! Thank you for reading. xN
God, this is beautiful and raw and so damn sad. Also, I am angry, so very angry at the way that we become invisible as we age, here in the states in particular. I picture your mother in that waiting room and wish only that one person had eyes to see her. I want to march down to the nearest hospital and just check in with anyone sitting alone to see if they need anything. This should be a volunteer program. Maybe I will start it.
(I also wrote about Shrodinger's cat this week and was told by a reader that he'd read three other substacks mentioning Schrodinger, so I don't know what is going on. But I kind of like it.)
I love this idea Kendall. I felt the exact same way when I read that part...my heart hurts for Natalie and her mom.
Thank you, Jeanine. And I vote for Kendall! xN
I love the idea of people checking in in emergency waiting rooms. That sounds like a good volunteer agency. Thank you for reading and letting me know. I’m so glad I got to meet you this summer. xN
I'm so glad as well, Natalie.
Unbelievable but true & very well articulated! This makes us feel less alone. Thank you
Heartbreaking re: your mom...I went through similar stuff with my late mother, who also suffered from dementia. I feel for you both. On a brighter note, thanks for the Christmas playlist...you continue to impress with your musical mindfulness!
So sorry about your mom. All we can do is dance, right here right now.
Oh Natalie—this is so awful for your mom and for you. I cannot believe the inhumane way they treated her at the hospital. Just terrible all around.
Thank you. xN
That line ripped me apart. The end of a life with a purse that no longer holds anything of value.
Yes, and it is also a time free of responsibility, right? It could be wonderful in many ways. 🧡
It could be wonderful, yes, if one can accept and lean into the possibilities of today.
You must feel very far away. Please be gentle with yourself. You’ve been a fabulous, if not always welcome, caretaker for your mom. You also deserve to live your biggest and best life.
smooches to you, Marla!! xxN
It’s so tough… thank you.