I'm drawn to tunnels and the scenes just beyond the archways at the ends of them. And I'm drawn to glowing leaves and flowers backlit by the sun—usually just beyond a shaded area. I think they both give me the same sudden, spectacular release from darkness and enclosure.
The door to myself is through my dearest friend's eyes. He sees my best self and swears it is my true self, and when I'm with him, I believe him. "You have a kind and loving heart," he says. He doesn't tense and tell me not to be so critical or flinch at a reminder or give me a response so automatic and formulaic that later even he doesn't recall having made it—all of which leave me feeling like a piece of work with an ugly sour scowl and a body too big for anyone to want. "You have a kind and loving heart," my dear friend says, and every part of me sighs with relief and embraces me as a long lost friend.
Thank you. And yes, I know. He has helped me find my way back to myself.
Of course, I'm sure the other attributes are part of me, too. But I prefer to dwell with my best self, and I hope that by believing in her and being her for longer and longer periods of time, I can eventually embrace even my irritable self and regard her negative self-talk as a byproduct of others' negative reactions to the qualities in me that only sometimes come to the fore and are often misunderstood or shunned because those reacting critically to them have been trained to disown those same aspects of themselves.
Identifying myself as "kind and loving" is incredibly freeing and empowering!
I read your first sentence ("Go ahead, I'll catch up") to my husband, who laughed & said "[expletive deleted] me, there are MORE of you out there??" LOL!
And yes, doors. I have a folder on my computer that is filled with nothing but photos of doors: big doors, little doors, all kinds of doors in every shape & colour under the sun. I've been delighted & fascinated by doors ever since I was a kid & used to look at them & wonder what was going on behind them. And just the door itself, of course: barricade, guardian, gateway, tease, promise.
My husband and I became a wee bit obsessed with photographing doors during our last trip to France. So many wonderful ones to see! I remember reading that Stanley Kubrick was obsessed with finding just the right door for every film shot. So much so that he sent people to photograph thousands of doors around London and kept them all carefully cataloged.
Your photos of doors are fabulous! Who doesn't love doors? If you have a spare wall in your home, I imagine them all in unique frames filling up the space.
I love this, Natalie. Doors are near to my heart, too. Always have been! I’ve lugged around a poster of doors for 30+ years… through all my moves (there’ve been a LOT). They truly are the lipstick… magical, mysterious, and inviting… like luscious lips or a beautiful smile. 🩷
Love the photos and the inspiration. I think I'll get Evelyn to draw a door for me.
One of my favorite poems! And I too have a thing for doors and think of them as the lipstick. Oui!
I'm drawn to tunnels and the scenes just beyond the archways at the ends of them. And I'm drawn to glowing leaves and flowers backlit by the sun—usually just beyond a shaded area. I think they both give me the same sudden, spectacular release from darkness and enclosure.
The door to myself is through my dearest friend's eyes. He sees my best self and swears it is my true self, and when I'm with him, I believe him. "You have a kind and loving heart," he says. He doesn't tense and tell me not to be so critical or flinch at a reminder or give me a response so automatic and formulaic that later even he doesn't recall having made it—all of which leave me feeling like a piece of work with an ugly sour scowl and a body too big for anyone to want. "You have a kind and loving heart," my dear friend says, and every part of me sighs with relief and embraces me as a long lost friend.
This is so lovely. You’re lucky to have such a friend 😘
Thank you. And yes, I know. He has helped me find my way back to myself.
Of course, I'm sure the other attributes are part of me, too. But I prefer to dwell with my best self, and I hope that by believing in her and being her for longer and longer periods of time, I can eventually embrace even my irritable self and regard her negative self-talk as a byproduct of others' negative reactions to the qualities in me that only sometimes come to the fore and are often misunderstood or shunned because those reacting critically to them have been trained to disown those same aspects of themselves.
Identifying myself as "kind and loving" is incredibly freeing and empowering!
I read your first sentence ("Go ahead, I'll catch up") to my husband, who laughed & said "[expletive deleted] me, there are MORE of you out there??" LOL!
And yes, doors. I have a folder on my computer that is filled with nothing but photos of doors: big doors, little doors, all kinds of doors in every shape & colour under the sun. I've been delighted & fascinated by doors ever since I was a kid & used to look at them & wonder what was going on behind them. And just the door itself, of course: barricade, guardian, gateway, tease, promise.
Great post. Thank you!
We are everywhere!
What a beautiful poem! Merci! Many of my saved photos are doors wherever I travel! I’m still on the hunt for the perfect door for my Portland home❣️
send a picture when you find it!
you provide a bright and thoughtful spot in these shorter days. Hey, some of the doors are fall-colored...
I’m so glad… missing Laurel this week. And, what color is your door? I want to say yellow?
no, the door is black...but the house is yellow! I was missing Laurel this week too. Yesterday was her birthday.
My husband and I became a wee bit obsessed with photographing doors during our last trip to France. So many wonderful ones to see! I remember reading that Stanley Kubrick was obsessed with finding just the right door for every film shot. So much so that he sent people to photograph thousands of doors around London and kept them all carefully cataloged.
That would have been a plum job!
My door would be forever open. Love this Natalie!
One of my favorite poems and I am grateful for your sharing and sweet invitation.
What would your door be? Sometimes I feel it would be a tiny mouse door, like in an old cartoon... other times, the mile high door or a chateau.
I’m not sure at the moment. I’ll think on it and see what emerges. Maybe a sunset…
I love doors too!!
Your photos of doors are fabulous! Who doesn't love doors? If you have a spare wall in your home, I imagine them all in unique frames filling up the space.
Great idea! Thank you. xN
I love this, Natalie. Doors are near to my heart, too. Always have been! I’ve lugged around a poster of doors for 30+ years… through all my moves (there’ve been a LOT). They truly are the lipstick… magical, mysterious, and inviting… like luscious lips or a beautiful smile. 🩷
Thank you for the upgrade to a paid subscription! I am grateful for you! So glad you’re hear. 🧡
I think I know that exact poster! I can almost see it! xN